I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
