we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Randomize
