I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize