College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
