Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
