honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
How's work?
Spinning.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
