Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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