soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
