I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
