does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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