my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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