thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Can Purell be used as lube?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
