you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
