I can feel you judging me through the phone.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
