cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You know, be my cock's hype man.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
