i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize