this beer tastes like vomit already
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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