I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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