I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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