we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
