Whod you bang
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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