so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
