I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
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