Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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