did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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