she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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