just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
