I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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