if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We just shotgunned beers for America
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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