I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
