mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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