Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
