In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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