Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
