So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
