After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
