So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
