Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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