dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
