I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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