I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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