Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
