Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
