You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Apparently you make a good broom.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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