I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
