I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
