I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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