Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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