I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
