I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
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I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
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It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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