Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
