I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
