i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
