It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
