i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
