yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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