Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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