he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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