he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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