I want you more than these girls want KFC
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
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if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
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Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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