whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
