I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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