Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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