A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
